My internship at Chicago Health Magazine is drawing to a close next week, and during my time here, I've learned a lot of incredible things that I'll be taking with me throughout the rest of my education and career. However, I'm not here to talk about everything I've designed during my internship. That's what my portfolio and my assessment paper I had to do for class was for. For the duration of my internship, I had the pleasure of commuting to Chicago via the South Shore Line. Taking the train has been quite an experience; one where I felt like if there was a comedic documentary on the South Shore, I'd be the weird girl a few seats behind whoever the director's filming just staring blankly at the camera because I have no clue what is going on. Basically, I'd be the Aubrey Plaza of the South Shore Line. There is seriously some funny stuff that goes on on the South Shore Line. A few weeks into my internship, I started to write these things down because I thought they were worth sharing. I also started to keep a list of all the attractive guys I see on the train, because you know, I'm eternally single and always take note of attractive members of the opposite sex whenever I can. Both lists are quite extensive and hilarious.
Where do you get these facts?
"Did you know there's a person who holds a world record for the number of push-ups while holding a spoon with an egg on it?!" said a guy to his female coworker in a four seat spot on the train. Her response wasn't as enthusiastic as he would have hoped.
Get your lazy cat up"Yesterday, I had a ton of stuff to do. Then my cat fell asleep on me, and I was like, 'Yup, I had nothing to do anyways.'"
Bro, it's just a clothing, don't over think it too much
"I've literally had to tie my best friend's tie for everything. Interviews, homecoming, snowcoming, prom. Learn how to tie a tie! It's on google!"
"I don't dress down until a girl really gets to know me. I always wear shirts and ties until then."
Twerk it out
There was this one time where I was on the train home, and a little African American girl asked if she could take the seat next to me. I got up and let her slide into the seat. For the rest of the train ride back, she proceeded to put in her headphones and play rap music very loudly to the point where it didn't really matter that she had headphones on, because everyone on the train in at least a three row radius could hear her jamming out. Then, as if jamming out wasn't enough, she started to twerk in her seat. While twerking, she was singing along to this rap music and I was just sitting there, thinking: This is my life. There is a child sitting next to me on the train and the seat keeps moving because she is twerking. Twerking. Next to me. On a train.
In the city, everyone has a unique sense of style
Once, I saw a guy who had on shorts with the same pattern as the backdrop for the Rugrats logo.
I also saw a guy that looked like he was born in the wrong era because he was basically Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's doppleganger.
Another time I saw a dude in a khaki kilt.
Hello sir, you are attractive and I will go away nowI've seen quite a number of fairly (okay, highly) attractive guys on the train and on my walk to CH's offices. Never once have I said a single word to them (because for all I know they could be serial killers, sex offenders or both). But in my head, I have conversations with them, like any normal eternally single girl, Walter Mitty style: [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytf3mnY1wKk&w=560&h=315] So here's my account of some of the attractive guys I've seen roaming the streets of Chicago:
There's this one really cute guy with an athletic build on the morning train into the city. He wears devilishly handsome black plastic-framed glasses and has blondish brown hair. He's slightly hipster, but only because of the glasses and always wears dress slacks and button downs that show just enough of his obvious muscular build. He consistently takes the morning 7:47AM train all the way to Millenium Station. Once, he sat two seats behind me in the opposite aisle. Of the (few) encounters I've had with him: 1. I'm pretty sure he caught me laughing hysterically while reading Katie Heaney's book Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date (which is basically the story of my life, right down to the Harry Potter prom asking venture [coincidence? I think not.]) and 2. We've made awkward (on my part, because I was obviously staring at his attractiveness) eye contact multiple times in which I tried to even more awkwardly shift my eyes towards the approaching train or another, less attractive male, or even a bird.
Ryan Gosling doppleganger. Need I say more?
I call him Shadow Boy. Seen on my Grand Ave. on trek back to train station. I thought someone was trying to stalk me because their shadow was so close, then thought that was a ridiculous notion and I have to stay positive because not everyone is a stalker/serial killer/rapist. However I did heighten my walk speed just a tad and then nonchalantly glanced back to notice a perfectly adorkable hipster dude, with slim jeans and a pink and purplish button down and bow tie. Stereotypical dark plastic glasses. Hair done up just right. He probably wasn't straight.
I have another important philosophical question that I need the answer to
In one of my more recent blog posts, I've discussed some of the important philosophical questions that I just don't have the answers to, but desperately want. Here is another one that I forgot about, and is entirely fitting for this blog post:
How is it that people who are homeless and are standing on the streets begging for food and spare change have signs advertising that they need help that are printed in a nicely tracked Helvetica and laminated? How do you have enough money to laminate? I'm so confused.
My commuting experience, as told by my Snapchats
What's even funnier is that my Snapchats can also give you a good idea of how hilarious my commuting (and work) experience was.
I saw a pair of Mormons, and forgot the Book of Mormon wasn't touring in Chicago anymore, and starting lyric-Snapping Justin. This was my half of the conversation:
Then, there was the time that I thought I was in Inception: